Supporting parent relationships advice

Most of us disagree at times in our relationships and not all conflict is damaging. But it can become an issue when it is frequent or poorly managed.

Parental conflict in relationships can occur whether parents are living together or separated. It happens in all types of families:

• biological parents
• step parents
• foster parents
• adoptive parents
• grandparents

Parental conflict is very different to domestic abuse. No one should ever make you feel threatened or unsafe. If this is how you feel there are many organisations and services that are there to support you. Find details on the support services available for domestic abuse.

Free online digital learning and workshops for parents

Provider: Love Matters

Parenting can be both rewarding and challenging. It's natural for stress to impact your relationship, for you to become more disconnected and for conflict to increase. Over two thirds of parents experience this. Not all conflict is damaging, but it can become an issue when it is frequent or poorly managed. Research shows, when managed well, conflict can actually strengthen relationships by fostering deeper understanding and emotional connection.

Healthy conflict regulation involves building a strong friendship and recognising each other's perspectives, managing emotions, and working toward solutions together. According to relationship research, successful couples navigate conflict by fostering a culture of appreciation, turning toward each other in difficult moments, and using kind and considerate communication rather than criticism or defensiveness.

It’s important to note that parental conflict is different from domestic abuse. No one should ever feel threatened, unsafe, or controlled in a relationship. If you feel this way, support services are available to help you. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all of your relationships.

Free “Making Relationships Work” program

In-Person Workshops and Online Course with Katie from Love Matters

“Making Relationships Work” is an engaging and practical program designed to help couples have a protected time and space to:

• learn tools to enhance communication
• navigate conflict
• foster intimacy

Grounded in renowned relationship research from the Gottman Institute, this evidence-based workshop and online course offer tools and insights to help you:

• Understand what makes relationships work
• Improve communication and understanding
• Regulate conflict with confidence and care
• Build emotional intimacy and trust
• Strengthen friendship and shared meaning

Whether you prefer an in-person workshop or an online course, you'll have time to talk with your partner and gain proven strategies to create a fulfilling and resilient relationship.

To book email: lovemattersiow@gmail.com

The impact of parental conflict on children

When children witness adults who shout loudly, argue a lot, or ignore one another frequently for long periods of time, it can negatively impact children’s:

• self esteem
• mental and physical health
• behaviour
• academic achievements
• future relationships with others

Research suggests this can affect how we parent our children and the quality of time we spend together.

Top tips for families

1. Try to spend quality time together and remember it doesn’t have to cost money.
2. Talk to each other about how you feel and remember to listen.
3. Consider and ask each other’s views and be willing and open to compromise.

As adults we are role models for our children. Remaining calm and respectful while addressing any disagreements we may have, provides our children with all important life skills. This will help them with future interactions with others.

Causes of parental conflict

Life is sometimes challenging and stressful, and all parents can come under pressure from time to time. Families are most at risk of parental conflict during key transitions in life, such as:

• separation
• bereavement
• new babies
• children starting school

This can lead to other worries such as financial, housing and health issues. Remember all good relationships have to be worked on, and develop and grow in stages. Children don’t come with a manual and we are all unique and different.

Sometimes we need to take time to work out what works well for us, and transfer this knowledge in other areas of our life. If we keep communication open and do this together with a sense of equality in our relationship then our children will be happy will learn important tools for life.

Relationships are difficult for everyone at some stage – especially parents, regardless of whether they are together or separated. Relationship challenges for parents can affect your child’s behaviour, emotions and feelings, both now and in the future.

We all have a natural reaction to conflict and how we deal with it but we can learn to deal with it more effectively. How you deal with conflict will impact how your child deals with conflict. When family life is good, children thrive.

By improving your relationship your child:

• may be happier
• have better mental health
• have better relationships with others
• be healthier
• do better at school

Families are most at risk of parental conflict during key transitions in life such as:

• separation
• bereavement
• new baby
• children starting school

Families living in poverty or under economic pressure are more at risk of parental conflict.

Get support with the cost of living.

Ways to reduce parental conflict

There are many things we can do to reduce the amount of conflict in our relationships. These may be achieved fairly easily with just a few adjustments!

Here are some top tips to try:

• Try and spend more quality time together. Have a regular date night with your partner.
• Choose the right time to address things. Waiting for a quiet time in the evening may be more preferable to during a busy school run.
• Tell your partner how a situation makes you feel and try to show you understand their point of view.
• Consider and ask each other’s views; be willing and open to compromise.
• Listen to each other’s views without interrupting each other; one voice at a time.
• Make sure everyone has an opportunity to voice their view, provide time for the other person to respond to what has been said, wait and listen.
• Communication really is key. Celebrate things you agree on and use this in future discussions.

An important part of being a parent is to find out together what works best for you as a family. Sitting down and talking about what is going well and what may need more attention, or a change of thinking are good ways of ensuring communication is open and transparent. This creates an environment that ensures everyone’s views are heard and a sense of equality within the relationship.

Further information and support

Isle of Wight family centres have staff and groups that can help and support you. They can signpost you to organisations, provide advice and the right support to enable you to make positive changes for you and your family.

See it differently provide five short videos for you to watch. They may help you to see and do things differently when arguing. These videos can help you to understand new ways of managing conflict and how to change how things play out in the household. Potentially leading to healthier and happier outcomes for everyone, including children.

Relate offer free support to parents through their chatbot. Use the chatbot service to share what you're going through and get answers, support, and advice to help you get through conflicts with your partner or co-parent. The ‘in the middle’ bot helps you understand how your child experiences your relationship and the ‘sounding board’ bot is there to help you write emails, text messages, or get ready to talk with your partner or co-parent.

Love Matters offer a range of evidence-based support to expectant parents and parents of children up to the age of 2, who live on the Isle of Wight. Love Matters has received funding from the Isle of Wight Council which means the support detailed below is currently mostly free or subsidised to access:

• free weekly relationship clinic for parents - appointments need to be booked in advance. Online and face to face appointments are available.
• 1:2 relationship support sessions - offered free or at a subsidised rate, depending on financial circumstances, contact Love Matters for more information.
• free weekly Drop in Relationship Clinic online - message or email for link to join.
• bringing Baby Home - for expectant parents and parents with young children. This course is fully funded and aims to help you and your partner navigate the transition into parenthood together and keep your love alive.

The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme

If you are eligible, you could receive a contribution of up to £500 towards the mediation costs. This could support you to resolve family law disputes outside of court.